love??

i got this off ali's fb... i hope we remember reading this every now and then.

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, 'How do I know if I married the right person?'

I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, 'It depends. "Is that your husband?' In all seriousness, she answered 'How do you know?'

Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind.Here's the answer.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies.

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called 'falling' in love... Because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, 'I was swept off my feet.' Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship.

Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, 'Did I marry the right person?' And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work,a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could.

And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later.

Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON;IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you.

You can't 'find' LASTING love. You have to 'make' it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression 'the labor of love.' Because it takes time, effort, and energy . And most importantly, it takes WISDOM . You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships.

Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger.

It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable. ..you can 'make' love.

Love in marriage is indeed a 'decision'.. . Not just a feeling.

Remember this always

'God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go'

tho you can't be with me tonight, you know my heart is by your side

title's directed to a certain something that's been ard the past few yrs of my life. hard as it is. i will let you go.
spirals? yes.yet another spiralling week. the downsssssssssssssssss..n then the ups. i'm thankful for my family. for my frz. thankful for all who's ard been me the past coming 3decades. i realise i really should be counting my blessings instead of whining so much about the little hiccups? yea rite. i find that hard. but i reali do appreciate mommy coming down juz cos i called at 4am. thank you mommy!!! loves!! i missed that peckin on the cheek we used to share. i was so happy u pecked my again. and i love it when you call me darlin'. =)

the irony

i was fuming. boiling. heated up. ttly. the cause? the little gadget that cools me down everyday. the aircon. how ironic can life get? seriously. heated up due to a cooling machine? rather, the person who got it stuck in my window. i am so jaded. how can life be like dis? how can frenz disappoint us time n time again? it's terrible. dun these ppl know what karma means? do they even noe it exists? i thought i believed in karma. but hey, wad have i done to deserve all this? tell me. wtf have i done to have such fucktards appear in my life every now and then?

okok. for those who haven't heard....

one walks faster than the other

it's funny how like in d previous post things turn out to spiral. i found my life spiralling, and now my thoughts as well. so many things have happened the previous week or so. so many words were said, so many actions done, so many feelings felt, so many thoughts flashed thru my head, and at the end of it all, NOTHING. i dunno what's to come. first i was sad. saddened so badly by the word. then i got angry. how could things change so fast? then i got worried. have things already changed and there's nothing i can do bout it? then i got confused. wad do i hafta do? what issit u want from me? then i got sure. sure that i couldn't accept it. then now? i'm unsure. it went from u, went into a HUGE spiral, or rather circle, and came back to me. i noe it wun end with me, cos like i said, circles do not end. so wad is it now? things aren't the same. i am not the same anymore. at least i don't feel the same. i feel things have already changed. maybe i have too. i think bout the weirdest things. like wad fengshui means in my life. i think bout my life, my future, my family. and somehow, it's become mine. no longer ours. i've lost the vision of happily ever after. i've lost the thought of there's such a thing as true love. i've lost the feeling of wanting to work for it. i dunno wad to say. i dunno wad to feel. seems like i was wrong. i was the one getting comfy, not you. i was the one who wanted this to con't cos it was too much of a hassle to start something new. the hassle of getting to know somebody new, the hassle of dating and understanding each other, the hassle of having to find differences and feeling unsure again. i was the one who wanted the 'love' to never die so dat i could juz live it the way i thought i was most comfortable. i realise i don't give my all anymore. maybe i nvr have, but now i see it clear. i don't enjoy putting up with the differences. i don't enjoy trying to make u happy when i'm not. i don't enjoy trying to make conversations longer than they last when i've got almost nothing more to say. i don't enjoy losing my quiet time. i don't enjoy sharing my private space. i don't enjoy wondering how your frz/family wanna think. i don't think the differences will ever be worked out. i still love my smokes and i still want my smokes eventho you'd shun from the smell. i still want my 4-7mins of smoke time when i wake, after meals, when i'm upset, when i'm thinkin bout stuff, when i wanna be alone, when i'm in the toilet, b4 i brush my teeth, when i'm on the fone, anytime. i dun enjoy the aftersmokes anymore. i dun enjoy you turning the aircon up when i get in the car. i dun enjoy leaving restaurants b4 u juz to get my smoke. i dun enjoy you walkin away the moment i light up. no. i dun believe in sharing every fuckin moment, but i guess it was nice from the time that thought came out from ur mouth til it lasted. maybe both have changed. maybe we both see d differences. and we prob see different differences even. but no. seems like the happiness has faded. less chatter, less laughter, less smiles. do we really want this? i can't bring myself to accept life the way it is. i don't wanna live the rest of my life in such misery. maybe i'm just not strong enough. i cannot be the one holding your hand, pulling you up all the time. no. i cannot. i need someone who can pull me up! i really find it almost tragic that both of us need ppl to pull us up and we're both pulling each other down everyday. how much longer can this go on? what is the purpose of it all? i dunno how to put it to u. i do not want you to think i am forsaking you, cos i am not. i juz feel our 'working things out' isn't happening. it seems ridiculous that i am gettin supposed 'help' from doctors, and here i am supposedly trying to help you. how can this be??? i am just not strong enough a person to do that! and no, i am not afraid to admit it. i gather things will be the same for the next few weeks, maybe months, dreadfully, years! i just need to live the life i want. you do not hafta change. cos anyways, the differences are all actually about me not doing/doing what you like/dislike. you wanna shop, nobody's stopping you. but pls, dun make me shop n we end up in a bicker. i really cannot accept how you'd wanna splurge on something when you know the pocket doesn't allow that all d time. you say u want pretty things, that it's just how you are, but i really do not think it should be this way all the time. i need somebody who understands the value of money much more than beauty. i cannot understand why beauty and pride comes before survival. does it make sense to me? NO. i was really bloody pissed dat day, i noe u were wondering why, cos 'it's just you'. i hadta walk away, else we'd have fought. again. i'm really very tired from all the fighting. i'm oso not exactly happy bout having to contain the resentment. i guess u can con't to be what and who you are. the way you are. i am in no position to stop u. nvr was. n never will be. i just hope it goes the same for me. that i dun hafta change the way i am. n i'll nvr have to. we just hafta be fair dun we? if either party feels the need to explode, so be it. if you choose to find another avenue, just let me know early. i just want us to be happy, whether or not we end up together.

spirals?

i'm tired. so so tired. why issit that life brings us round n round in circles? sometimes i wonder why they call it a life line. my line seems to be spiralling, spiralling til the lasst lil bit. it straightens out, and ends. fuck the spirals. really. fuck them.
so weird how the fuckin ups and downs just come, tickle me abit, and disappear. it wasn't too long ago that i was happy, was it? why the sudden change? why the sudden confession? why why why?????????? why suddenly unsure?? why suddenly spot so many differences? why why why? why are u happier with friends? why? am i unable to make u happy? what was it bout me that made you happy earlier then? enjoy fallin in love with love itself. think i'm not the one. it's YOU! yes YOU! fuck you for taking me for granted. fuck you for bringin me up to the skies and leavin me to fall by myself. fuck you for pretending all this while. FUCK YOU! it's funny how my sixth sense actually led me to askin you. if i had never asked, we'd have pretended all the while n then what? here comes the end of the line??? it's really so unfair. painful as it was, i'm glad u spat it out. now i noe, i'm actually able to let it go slowly. beats havin to make each other happy. beats tiring myself out. i am already so tired. i dunwanna try anymore. too bad if ure unhappy. too bad if ure bored. too bad. u make ur own choices from now, and i'm not gonna accomodate anymore. u dun hafta as well. yes. u no longrr have to pretend. FUCK YOU.