the new do

oh well. i did it. i chopped it all off. heh. now i totally look like big ethel but i dun care! woooohoooo! i dunno why, but it doesn't matter to me that i look like a dork. the vanity in me seems to have ...faded???? hmm....

i'm so bored. the new place is cool, i can go suntannin and all in the privacy of my own home, but still i'm bored! i keep cleaning the floor, but nothing else to do leh. why isit diff from rvg?

the tv seems overworked... i dun remember watchin so much tv at rvg leh.hmm....

but one thing's for sure. i hate vacuuming the floor!!!!!!!! it's like totally uncool. makes me perspire. this calls for a navibot!!!! my xmas pressie. haa. more like the house's pressie lor.

i've gotta many things to settle. gotta catch up with the peeps i'm supposed to catch up with. guess it's about time. curtains are up, the tub woman called. said delivery man will call me soon, now natural living had better get the prob settled fast. only then will this all be complete. o well.... it's been raining mostly anyway, so no loss la.

damn. everytime i shake my head i cannot feel my hair. =S i really think i've got the big ethel look. heeeeee! tut tut one. alaalallalalaaa! i think it makes babe happy eventho the long hair is missed. nobody will wanna hit on a big ethel. so chill k? hehe.

g'mornin' sunshine!!!

babe's gone for the dreaded 2.4, and i'm home stuffing myself silly. like wtf rite?

it's been a draggy year. one of many occurrences, many disputes, many unhappy friendships turned bad, yet one filled with lotsa luck and love.

say goodbye to the useless, and hello to the future. ??? i dunno where that came from, but it's how i'm feeling.

loads to update. gotten a new home in the east, but yet to shift in. i cannot wait for the reno works to be completed and the house cleaned up. can't wait to have the jac tub delivered and installed. can't wait for the stuff to be delivered. i just can't wait to move in!!! but then again, i am so gonna miss town. no more 4dollar cabfares to work/taka. no more walkin to somerset. no more 5min drives to clarke quay. boooo.

the past 2mths have been mad crazy. deciding on the decor was for one, already damn stressful. shopping was never harder. and we're still not done with all the shoppin yet! kill me!!!!!

it has been a learning experience tho. many things i thought seemed easy before proved otherwise. nevertheless, i'm sure we, including noshii, will love the new place. he's gonna have sooooooo much space to run around, he'll have his suntanning moments with me, and maybe, just maybe, a new brother.

as for work, i've quit the dreaded scam co. it was a painful decision to part with the opp of money making, but i guess it was d only way to get out of sinking into deeper shit. o well. i miss work. or rather, i miss the money. for now, it's been slackin. (YES AGAIN!!!!!) i think i'm kinda made for wasting my life away.

i do miss work, but still dunno what i wanna do. was tellin babe i wanna go look for job liao, and the response i got was... 'huh...? then u cannot go for lunch with your colleagues ok?' 'but if you go work, noshii will be upset...' 'noshii.....ask mommy dun go work la!'

waaaaahahahahahahaa!!! am i with a control freak or wad?!?!?! no lunch with colleagues means no friends!!!! unless i'm like the boss or somethng, maybe la... else how can i survive in a co with no frz leh.

arbo you gimme money start something, then i can be boss and be free, yet make money? ai mai?

babe says i can go make my money at mbs. bbbbbut..... where got enuf sia?

that kinda biz is too risky. unless i have permission to draw from the card? heheheheheheheheheheheheheheheee! =P

was plannin to go tak cek too. but the courses are ex! i cannot get govt grant if i wanna do a diff deg at nus. i really wanna complain bout that. many of us went to school doing subjects we did not even like, nor thought we'd ever use in life. i did econs and stats. and i do not think i really applied much of what i learnt in school at work. now that i'm all grown up and can choose what i would enjoy studying (ya, rite!), the govt says that they gave me a grant for my 1st degree already, so unless i wanna further my studies in the same area, no more money for me. =O

how lidat?!?!?!?! how bout the dreams i wanna fulfil? i was young and naive and studied what they said would make me rich! it did not come true, so can i get a refund or somethng? partial refund??? sigh. why did i not grow up earlier. but eh....i haven't grown up! so maybe it's a good thing. maybe 10 yrs down the road, i will then realise my dream was actually something else...?

i still think my fruit juice stall idea motivates me most. why nobody wanna support me?!?!?!?!?!?

damn. i hear thunder and babe's not back yet. hope the 2.4 went well. get the silver babe! the 100bucks can be used for groceries! (or ciggies)

i'm bored.... i can't believe i woke up at 5am this morning, had a bowl of noodles, a cup of milo, took a hot shower and am getting ready... to go to work. a job that does not exist. sighh...

i should get my stuff packed soon huh? but i dunno how to start. where do i find boxes? how do i throw away my memories? eeeks. i watch so many progs about cleaning out the house, but i dun think i can bear to throw away my ah mah's water jug, or my baby blankie....

i love hoarding!!! the only things i can throw........shoes?? clothes?? bags?? i think that's all. but that's gonna make up the bulk of it anyway rite? arghhh! so many things to think about, yet so lil motivation to get about doing.

life in general

never did i think i'd feel so lost again. never did i want life to be such a mess. yes, once again. to think i thought, everybody thought. guess we all thought and think wrong. my brain's so tired. my heart's so tired too. i'm sorry, everybody. for makin your life miserable cos of my existence. dunno what to say. dead horse seems so apt. 'sick of this life, not that you'd care...i'm not the only one, with whom these feelings i share.. nobody understands quite why we're here. we're searchin for answers that never appear...' well, bits of it at least. it never was meant to be...for me to understand. and the answers seem impossible to find. what answers are we lookin for anyways? everyone needs their own answers. and sometimes, we all know the answers, just that we refuse to face them. am i making sense at all? i wish i had the guts to say how i really feel. i wish i had the strength to follow what my hearts wants. i wish i knew what i want. i wish i wish i wish. perhaps mommy is rite. i have not grown up. maybe i never will. cos i dun wanna. sorry seems to be the hardest word. it is. maybe i say it all too many times. but when it's time to say it, when it's time to face someone to say it out. i cannot. the guilt i live with. i know with the choices i make, whatever the outcome, be it good or bad, i have to take it in my stride. live with it. if things dun work out good, then i juz hafta face it. but why am i so unwilling to have it turn out bad? why? being guarded, being o so fuckin guarded makes things so difficult to work. it makes my heart heavy. it makes everybody ard me live with questions. and somehow i think it might juz make things turn out bad. if i didn't have this fuckin wall, things may juz be good. but now... the wall makes it so difficult to move on with the journey. time will tell? maybe. maybe not. i'm so tired. i believe it's takin its toil on me. i hate the fever. i hate the blocked nose. i hate the coughin. but sometimes such discomfort may be better than others. sigh. when will i ever learn? oh help me God.